Episode 17 - Meeting the Mark

I stared nervously into space, dreading the moment that Lukinor would sit down in front of me. Lukinor, the girl I was supposed to tag, the target, the mark. The number one rule of a PI, never never ever ever interact with the target. And here I had a loud mouthed chatterbox, inviting the mark over to our table. I was torn in two, should I stay or should I go? And to make matters worse I had a machine gun rattling in my ear that had run loose.

"Hey, Cheryl. Nice to see you here." Lukinor's voice wafted through the air. My ears heard a woman, my eyes saw an angel, my mind interpretted this as celestial intervention. Lukinor's smile to Cheryl seemed genuine, but her eyes seemed to say that she wasn't too happy to see Cheryl.

"HEY LUKINOR! Nice to see you here! I was planning to hit the treadmills and tone my arms. You know what this creep told me at the studio today? He said had flabby arms! FLABBY ARMS! Can you believe the nerve of that guy? It's not like he was so damn thin anyway. Bah. These photographers think they're so high and mighty. Doesnt he know that what he says could hurt a girl? Men. All they care about is their own selves. Oh, anyway, this is Mr. Gustavsen," Cheryl rattled off.

I rose from my seat and took Lukinor's hand in mine. So soft and tender it felt, so warm the smile behind it. Dammit, for the first time since I got the job I regretted bieng assigned to tag someone so beautiful.

Me and Lukinor exchanged pleasantries and I signalled the waiter to take Lukinor's order of a light salmon sandwich. I could hardly take my eyes off her, even after Cheryl began her oral blitzkrieg once again. Cheryl didn't seem to notice that she was being ignored, not just by me but by Lukinor as well. Apparently Lukinor knew enough about Cheryl to know that once she started talking she would never stop.

Despite the cacophony Cheryl managed to generate completely on her own, I found myself engaged in an actual conversation with Lukinor. She talked about her father, about her work, about living in his shadow, about being sick of being rich. More than anything, I heard just how alone Lukinor was, and now I wasn't just falling for her exterior, I was falling for her inner beauty as well. Damn.

"Hey, I gotta go to the loo. I've been holding my pee for so long since I had to entertain Mr. Gustavsen. Where is that place? You know, Mr. G, I've never had to hold my pee for another man. That makes you kinda special eh? And my bladder is so weak..."

"Cheryl, we really don't need to hear about your bladder problems, and the loo is that way." Lukinor interrupted, obviously irritated with the way Cheryl was conducting herself. Cheryl didn't seem to hear the irritation in her voice, and headed of to the loo.

Lukinor waited till Cheryl was out of ear-shot before she whispered in my ear, "Mr. Gustavsen, do you really want to stay here and listen to blabbermouth Cheryl go on and on about her pee?"

I smiled at her. She had read my mind precisely. Better still, this would give me my chance to get an invite to the club tonight. Worst of all, I could feel it deep within my bones, that feeling I had never felt since I experienced it 40 years ago. That feeling you get deep in the bones and down in the loins. That feeling you don't want to feel when you're on a mission.

That feeling called love.

I was falling in love with Lukinor Twubber, the woman I was supposed to mark.

Episode 16 - Mr. Gustavsen...

Mr. Gustavsen got out of the cab I took down to the gym. The whole taxi journey I was getting weird stares from the cabbie as I practised my accent. I had to get rid of the me I knew in me and become Mr. Gustavsen, and I'ld be damned if I was going to let those eyes of the cabbie susppress the born and bred German in me.

I had never seen a gym like this. Now I knew where the rich came to waste their money. Treadmills at one corner, a bar serving wine in crystal glasses, lobster and caviar at the other. This place seemed to thrive on the illusion that running on a treadmill for 2 minutes would be able to get rid of the extra stuff you put on in the hour you spend at the cafe/bar. And OF COURSE, they only used low-fat creams.

I surveyed the gym. Good, Lukinor wasn't here yet. I might as well check out the place since I was already there. I approached the counter and presented the receptionist with my card. I could swear the lady behind me tried to grab my ass when she saw my card was chrome instead the normal black of a regular member. Ah, the perks of money. Might as well have some fun eh?

"Hello. Ms...?" Damn, I could hardly take my eyes off her heaving cleavage. Tight spandex hugged her curvacious body. The person smiling at me was the most beautiful person who had spoken to me since... since I was born to be honest.

"Hi, I'm Cheryl. Herr Gustavsen I presume? Mr. Twubber requested for me to... take care of you." She said the last line with a slight smile. It's at time's like this that I wished I wasn't wearing shorts. I could hardly stop the thoughts that were rushing through my head. I think I was drooling.

Justin Twubber, I love you.

"Ah, yes, I believe he told me someone was to meet me here. Shall we head to the cafe?"

She flashed that electric smile again. "Yes, lets."

She took the lead walking to the cafe. I could feel my eyes banging around in my head as I followed the swing of her hips as she walked. Today was going to be a good day...

We sat down at the cafe's table, and instantly a waiter materialized by our sides, not to help us with our coats but to help take our gym towels away. Cheryl ordered a $50 glass of wine, and I had the same, not wanting to admit that I didn't know a merlot from a mermaid.

But the next line she said dashed all my dreams of having anything go beyond that glass.

"Alright Bo, you can drop the act now. Mr Twubber hired me to work with you on this one. I'm one of Lukinor's friends, we're colleaugues actually. We work for the same agency." I figured she meant she was a model too, hell, that didn't surprise me one bit.

"Ok, Lukinor's going to come in anytime now, and here's the plan. I'm going to introduce you as a friend of my father's, so that tonight you can get an invite into the club she always goes to. The idea is that you're here on business from Germany, and you'll be around for a week. Lukinor knows enough people in the club to get you a week-long invite to the place, so, you're going to have to charm her the best you can to land you the job. Honestly, I don't know why Mr. Twubber wanted me to do this, I mean, I'm a model not a spy, and Lukinor's a friend, but I'm doing this because Mr. Twubber is a friend too. And don't you dare think I have a thing going for you, I just chatted and flirted with you because I had to. To be honest I find you horifficly ugly, and I know you might think I'm a bitch but I don't care because I know I dont look like you and I hope I never will. Hmmm... This wine is pretty good! You know how they grow their grapes in France? They have stretches and stretches of grape trees. I went there once for a photo shoot. The place is simply beautiful.."

I didn't hear the rest. I was supposed to talk to Lukinor personally? Ok, maybe I had the help of this bimbo in front of me who could rattle on and on about the places she'ld been to and how good she looks in comparison to anyone else (which I had to agrree with by the way) but how much could she help? I was not prepared to speak to Lukinor at all, what more with a German accent I had to fake. And there didn't seem to be anything I could do to stop Cheryl from talking. I don't believe she even stopped to breathe as she went on about herself.

"Bo, did you hear me? Did you hear a thing I said? God, you men are all the same, you don't ever listen when a girl is pouring her heart out. All you care about is tits and ass and you don't ever get the heart. It's all abou the heart Bo, if you don't get the heart you're never going to get the girl. You should try listening sometimes. You know some people think I'm just beautiful but I don't have any brains but let me tell you that they're wrong. I'm smart! I've gone to school! God, all you men care about is sex. Can't you think of anything else? You know my last boyfriend..."

Somebody save me...

And just then my saviour wafted in the door. Lukinor walked up to the reception counter, looking absolutely perfect in pink and black tights.

"Cheryl, stop talking for a moment. Lukinor just walked in."

Cherly turned around and waved to Lukinor, beckoning her over to our table. What was that look on her face at seeing Cheryl? Joy? Resignation? I couldn't really tell.

And just before she came over, I told Cheryl, "And from now on Cheryl, Bo is gone, it's Mr. Gustavsen."

Episode 15 - And I awaken...

I awoke to the buzz of my alarm, strategically placed just out of arm's reach so i'ld have to get out of bed to turn it off. Swearing and grumbling at the genius I implemented in waking myself up, I got up and looked at the clock. Wednesday, March 4th, 8am; that miserable hour where everyone gets out of bed and joins the peak hour frenzy.

I went through my daily ritual of washing up. I considered my options for the day and realized I faced a little dilemma; I could go to the gym and check out hot babes in tight spandex or I could head down to the club and check out hot babes in short skirts. Which should I choose? I spent a long time pondering this question. Eventually, I decided to save the skirts for the night and spend my day surrounded by spandex. The irony of the thoughts that ran through my mind just the day before struck me, but hey, just because I was planning to cleanse my soul didn't mean I couldn't appreciate the fairer sex.

I dressed for the gym; shorts and sleeveless top that could just barely pass as a rich man's gym attire. I checked myself out in the mirror. Not too bad for a 50-something. If I pretended not to see the wrinkles and the grey hair and the sagging arms and the pot belly, I could actually pass off as a frequent visitor of the gym.

I checked my mail. I knew it would be there. I didn't even have to open my mailbox to know what was inside. Inside my rusty mailbox lay a single card, one with my face printed on it, doctored just enough to make me look like I was actually young and spritely. The words on the card were as follows:

Mr. Shneider Gustavsen
Platinum Member
The Diamond Gym

Ah... the wonders of money. I didn't even ask for a platinum membership, but he decided to pay the extra one thousand dollars to get me one anyway.

Now all I had to do was to brush up on my German.

Spandex, here I come!

Episode 14 - Purgatory...

The chopper dropped me off where it picked me up, and as quickly as it had come, it dissappeared into the sky, leaving nothing but a memory of it's existence.

I padded back to my car, a worn old man looking for answers from a bubbling young beauty. I really was too old for this. I could actually just walk away from this, i already had the money in my pocket. And what would a few thousand hurt Justin the billionaire? I'ld be rich, I'ld be happy, so what was stopping me?

But I couldn't turn away. I was his last hope of joy before he died. And I wouldn't really be happy, despite my long line of ancestors who grew up without guilt, somehow within the hollowed bones of my ribs lay a heart. And with a heart, I would never run from the guilt forever. If I betrayed him now, there'ld be no way I'ld be able to face myself in the mirror. Damn... sometimes I really wished that devil whispering in my ear would find a way to murder my conscience..

I drove back home in silent purgatory, enduring the epic battle between my conscience and my wallet. I had been running around for a sad old man for only a day, but I was so tired of this. All I wanted to do now was to rest.

I clambered up the creaking staircase and opened the door to room 69 (no, i didn't pick this number, it was given to me). After a quick shower to get rid of the black cream on my face, I set my alarm for 2pm. I had come to realize what this mission meant to me now. Tomorrow I would carry on the mission, moving on to the next two obstacles, Lukinor's gym and her club. Tomorrow I would go on persuading myself that I could actually do what I used to do 30 years ago. Tomorrow I would continue to pretend to be a young man aged 56.

Tomorrow would be another step to cleanse my soul.

And with that thought lingering in my mind, I closed my eyes, and let sleep claim me for 6 hours before the next chapter of my life began.

Episode 13 - Break Out...

Damn... I had about 2 seconds to hide the 70 kilograms of fat I call my body. I hit the floor as quickly and silently as i could, and wriggled my way over to the foot of her bed then slid underneath.

Lukinor was taking her time to shut off the alarm. I could feel her stirring in the bed above me. My breath came in hard rasps. My heart was beating so hard I thought she'ld be able to feel my heartbeat through the bed. I had dreamt of this situation before, where she was on top and on the bed. The only difference from the dream and reality was that in the dream the bed was under us and not between us. So much for dreams.

Lukinor's beautiful feet padded down onto the carpet just beside my face. Finally she shut off the alarm. The incessant blaring of her alarm clock was starting to get onto my nerves.

How could i possibly have taken so long to set up the cameras? Or did she wake up before she was supposed to?

After what seemed like an eternity Lukinor got off the bed. She walked the 10 meters or so to the bathroom. Even in the pajamas I could see she had a FANTASTIC figure. Then I realized in effect my mission had already failed. I didn't manage to tag the bathroom... DAMN...

The moment the bathroom door shut i rolled out from under the bed. I crept over to the bedroom door and stole my way out. I allowed myself a brief sweep of the area to make sure I left everything the way it was before I came in. I heard the shower turn on. The pang of regret that I hadn't been able to put the camera in the shower hit me again.

I crept over to the window from which I had first broken in. Justin's glass cutter was still attached to the circle of glass I had cut to come in. According to Justin, those little arms didn't just cut the glass, they put the glass back too. Yet another amazing invention specially for the amazing Justin Twubber. I attached the little wire to my belt again, and climbed out the window. I slotted the glass into place, and lo and behold, the arms spun in their little circle once again and merged the circle with the rest of the glass flawlessly. Wow. Why didn't the Special Forces have such equiment?

I gave one last, longing look in the direction of Lukinor's bedroom door, maybe hoping she'ld emerge naked. When that didn't happen, I tugged the cord and dissappeared to the roof of the building.

Well... looks like I wouldn't be getting any nude shots of Lukinor. At least I could watch her now, and maybe this would give me some answers.

Episode 12 - Break in...

I was old enough to be her father, but here I was, hanging on a piece of wire as thin as thread, suspended 40 storeys above certain death, staring in through the window into Lukinor's living room. I took out the tiny glass cutter her real father got me, and I placed it on the window. The glass cutter was, again, the size of a child's toy. Yet, it was supposed to cut a hole in the glass a meter in diameter. Justin's equipment had never failed me yet, i didn't think it was going to fail me now.

I placed the little disc on the glass, and pressed the button on the top. And like magic, two little arms extended from the center of the disc and cut a perfect circle in the glass, just the right size for me to get into. Amazing. Justin had so much amazing equipment that amazing was starting to bore me.

I squeezed through the hole. I was in Lukinor's apartment now.

I unclipped the little thread that prevented me from falling to my death. Silently, stealthily, I crept around her house, planting little button sized cameras at strategic locations. Places where I'ld be able to watch her eating, lounging, watching television, etc.

After I had covered her entire house, I stood at her bedroom door. I knew what lay behind. Lukinor did, and of course, the Holy Grail of all perverts, Lukinor's shower.

Slowly, so slowly, I opened her door a crack, and slid into her bedroom. Her bedroom was dark, but the night vision of my goggles gave me almost perfect vision. I crept over to her dresser, a massive table that faced the bed. I had to keep reminding myself that I had a mission to do, to keep myself from being distracted from the rise and fall of Lukinor's perfect bosom. Damn... i hated being on missions that involved depriving me of checking out beautiful women...

I placed the button of a camera under the dresser, where I knew it would give me an excellent view of the bed. Just as I put the camera in place, it all went wrong. Her alarm went off...

Episode 11 -Touch down!

I was on the roof of Blubersvale. I walked over to the edge and looked down. I felt like I had conquered something, I was probably the first 57 year old to stand on the roof of Blubbersvale. I reminded myself to ask Justin for an award for it later.

I walked over to the center of the roof, where I knew the ventilation pipes were. Of course, I wasn't going to climb in. This wasn't a movie. It's common knowledge that those air vents were built to take AIR, and not an aging tub of lard like myself. If i had climbed in, I would have fallen directly onto Lukinor's bed. Hmmm... maybe that wasn't so bad.

I opened the vent and i dropped in the remote-controlled camera ball Justin had given me. That ball was magic, the size of a toddler's fist but equipped with night vision, infra red detectors and a camera that gave the controller a 360 degree view of it's surroundings. It had a foam coating which made it silent too. It looked exactly like a child's toy. Completely nondescript, perfectly sized, and most important of all, it gave me a free look at Lukinor while she was sleeping, hopefully in a transparent nightie. The wonders of Justin Twubber would never cease.

The ball rolled. Silently, stealthily, it emerged in Lukinor's home. I followed the balls movemment through a lens placed in my goggles. I navigated the ball through her living room and into her bedroom. i could hardly see her through the green glare of the night vision but there she was, sleeping like a baby. Albeit in pajamas and covered with a blanket but at least i knew she was sleeping. i didnt come all the way here just to look at her in a nightie anyway.

I navigated the ball out of the bedroom and began to explore the whole house. Once my reconnaissance was complete and i found no living soul other than Sleeping Beauty, I checked my watch. 4.06am, more than enough time to break in, plant the cameras and beat it before she woke up.

I walked over to the edge of the building, and stuck yet another wonder of Twubber onto the ledge. This was a tiny disc, about the size of a music CD, and about 2 centimetres in height. From it, I pulled out a thin line of wire, and secured the wire to a little device on my belt. I had never used a device like this before, and if the wire snapped i'ld fall to my death, but i had to trust Justin's equipment now. I stood on the edge, staring down into oblivion for the second time in an hour, again thinking about how fast the floor would rush up to me if i fell, and again, i stepped over the edge to possible death.